DOWN HOME
The Down Orientation

Putting the DOWN in down home

Down Home... The phrase conjures up a sense of family and peacefulness that comes with country living. One may have a desire to go "down home," or may develop a down home feeling. However, the down orientation must first be contemplated. A classic down home sensation would be an evening  down at the shack in a rocking chair downing a six pack,

waiting for the bug shocker to discharge so that one may bathe in a downfall of cracklin bug legs.  Or, down on the floor sharing a plug of chewing tobacco with the baby (who may or may not have Down's syndrome) while Mama throws down with a hog brain and gut casserole. Don't deny the peace and isolation accompanied with this setting. It doesn't come without sometimes having to draw down on a trespasser or pot poacher down in the field with a browning 30-alt-6 loaded down with extra grain soft points. Of course it wouldn't be down home without some of the likes of what "went down" river in the movie 

NOTE: Down home relation to Up Home: See Helluphoeme

Deliverance. But only in certain family circles may one "go down" or "get down." Moreover, the down in down home is a put down for being a country hick by city wise asses who wouldn't know how to field dress a rat, much less marinade it for a week in gopher piss and slow roast it over a cowpie flame for a down home taste. 

Good Ole Boy - Artist conception

     

UPHOME - The Up Orientation  

Each establishment in the south has it's own type of charm. Cornpone and bean resterents is favorite in this area. Here in Helluphoeme, Tennessee the focus is on the whuskey. That's is where it is at. But, here is whur a fellow mite also git-a-bite. No not a gigabyte. This is whur the whiskey flows free on Saturday nites, Uh Huh, all you can drink. The joint gets a-swingin and those toothless hill varmits go at it swillin' and uh-swarmin around in the smoke and howling after a while. When there's a fight, hit haint no problem. The barmaid (Gladys) will come out with a tube sock full of ball bearings and go to crackin' heads. (try a pound of ball bearings warped over your head, see if you like that... and would want some more)  If that don't slow ye down, why...JD will come around the back with a Double Barrel Shotgun.

He wont kill ye no, but he will blow hell out of the windshield of your car and seats. He mite blow all the damn glass out your windows. Aside from the scraping, it's just one big happy family here. But the bartender's are trained in first aid and CPR, and on the bar in little bowls there's bandages instead of peanuts and they are FREE, Speaking of free, there's happy hour at five - that's whur you get you ass beat for nothing.  That's the southern hospitality you've heard tell about. And we got it down here. Especially when a Yankee comes to town. That's when they get "scared" ... Uh, that is... that's so for when their make and model of car gets tipped off to the local Stolen Car Ring.  SCR'd for short. An old hippie came through Helluphoeme not too long ago, and asked where he might find some good ole Tennessee corn likir.  Well, arrangements were made for him to purchase a milk jug full of the finest radiator squeezins  money could buy. HE LIKED IT! And to this day he is blind and sitting up in a bed at the state mental hospital giggling like a walleyed hyena. Got him a little taste of southern cooking he did...Um humm... When you have something good, you want to share it with the world. And, we have it good in Helluphoeme. Not just another forgotten coal town of southern Appalachian distinction; Helluphoeme is rising to rival the quality of life in most minor de-industrialized cities. Under the crooked stovepipe and coal sooted rooftop skyline, there are a few businesses still, as well as many thriving flea enterprises. You might find folks a little proud and don't mind letting you know it, and may come off as ignorant or arrogant hicks and ready to back it up, but that's because everything is better in Helluphoeme. If you like assaults, residential burglary, bestiality, and hangin around a bunch of damn trash, come home - to Helluphoeme It's hell up home to me.                HAD ENOUGH?
TIPSI CAFE

Helluphoeme Bar-Cafe-Town Hall

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